Holding Out for a Zero by Wardell Heather

Author:Wardell, Heather
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: medical, sisters, psychological, grief, american, coma, family life
Publisher: Heather Wardell

Chapter Twenty-Three

After I spend the next two hours sitting in my office staring at my computer and trying to work, Andrea knocks at my door and says, “Lunch? I’m getting Jaimi and some others sandwiches from that great place around the corner. Want one?”

I don’t. Even the thought of all that bread and unmeasurable filling makes the back of my throat slam shut like a prison cell door. But I should probably eat something so I say, “Small green salad, please. The smallest one they have. No dressing.”

She frowns. “That’s all? Not even a yogurt or something to go with it?”

I haven’t eaten yogurt since that day I tried to buy one and couldn’t. I shake my head. “Just the salad. And a water. How much do I owe you?”

Her frown doesn’t fade but she glances at the menu and says, “Eight bucks.”

I stand up to get my wallet from my bag on its hook by the door, then promptly sit down again as the blood leaves my brain too quickly.

“Careful,” Andrea says. “You okay?”

“Of course. Just a little… my foot fell asleep.”

I get up again more slowly, shaking my supposedly sleeping foot, and as I walk to the door Andrea says, “Valerie, I haven’t been getting you lunch lately. You… um… you are eating, right?”

I find my wallet and give her a ten. “Obviously, or you wouldn’t be getting me a salad now.”

“True, but… I wish I had your willpower, and don’t get me wrong, you look amazing, but you do need to eat. With your sister and all that, you need your strength.”

“My strength’s in not eating,” I say without meaning to, then wish I hadn’t when her eyes widen. “Never mind,” I say quickly. “Nothing.”

She reaches behind her and pushes my office door closed. “Valerie, you… I’m worried.”

I shut my eyes and sigh. “Don’t be.” I turn without looking at her and make my way back to my desk. “Really, it’s nothing. Counting my calories and knowing exactly what I’m taking in just helps me right now. That’s all.”

I drop into my chair, but she doesn’t speak. After a moment I look up and say, “Anything else?”

She’s staring at me like she might throw up.

“What?”

“I… nothing. Nothing. I…”

She turns and hurries out.

I look at the open door for a moment, wondering what her problem is, then decide I don’t care.

She returns in fifteen minutes or so, just as I’ve gotten myself focused on work. Annoyed by her interruption I look up and barely manage not to snap, “Yes?”

“Sorry, I…” She holds out a paper bag. “Your lunch.”

“I know,” I say as calmly as I can. “Right here on my desk, okay?”

She sets it down, then rubs at her eye. That reminds me of her letting me go upstairs with only half my face made up. I take a breath to tell her off, then let it out without speaking. What’s the point? I’ll be promoted soon and won’t have to deal with her any more.

When she doesn’t leave, I say, “Thank you.

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